


Through My Eyes

by loveyousox3



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst and Feels, Comfort/Angst, Drama & Romance, F/F, Family Secrets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-10
Updated: 2014-08-18
Packaged: 2018-02-12 15:40:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2115510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveyousox3/pseuds/loveyousox3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love comes when you least expect it. But who are we to deny it? A/O story. Rated M for later chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hey guys, I'm Mel. This is a first time story and it's also going to develop kinda slowly. I'm into angst, so you know. I don't have a beta as usual so I'm sorry for any mistakes. Feedback is awesome.
> 
> Disclaimer: All characters from Law & Order: SVU I might use in this story don't belong to me.

_"So many times I wonder where I've gone_

_And how I found my way back in_

_I look around awhile for something lost_

_Maybe I'll find it in the end"_

Alex entered the precinct alongside Huang, both laughing and enjoying their time together. Ever since the ADA had started working for SVU a month before, she felt as if the cosmos was pointing to her good side. She and George were best friends since college years, and Alex admired him so much it had always been a wish that someday they’d get to work together. So when she was assigned to SVU, her wish was finally fulfilled. That afternoon they had gone to have lunch and George got called to the precinct in the middle of it to check on a new case. Alex decided to tag along then, catching the opportunity to take a first look on what would be her next focus of study and possibly hard work.

Once in the squad room, Alex noticed Elliot’s desk was empty and left her purse there, joining George and Olivia with the still unfinished Chinese bowl in hands.

“Do you mind?” she asked looking at Olivia and back to her food.

The detective turned her eyes at her, now seeing the bowl. She and the guys didn’t know much of Alex yet; the ADA spent most of her time with George when he was around or she’d just be friendly to everyone but focus on her job. Seeing her out of routine with a bowl of food in hands was kind of funny.

“Not at all, do it all the time” Olivia reassured. “Check this one out.” Pointing at the screen in front of them, Olivia clicked down twice to put two pictures on display. “Male, on his twenties, stalks and rapes elderly women.”

“That’s the victim?” Alex raised an eyebrow at the picture of a very old woman with brunette hair and friendly traces on her face.

“Yeah. She called this morning and when we got there she was lying on the ground near the entrance, blood on her thighs and groin. I don’t know why anyone would do this… she says the perp is her neighbor.” The detective said pointing up to the guy.

Dr. Huang shook his head. “Is she stable?”

Alex watched intently while taking her last bites of the Chinese and Olivia nodded.

“Running the rape kit. I stayed back at the crime scene for some time, so Fin is at the hospital with her. Elliot’s after the jerk, and I wanted you to come along to the hospital for the questions.”

George nodded. “It’s better if we go now then. Alex, will you be okay?”

“Do your thing. I’ll go back to the office to organize a few of my own.” Alex gave him a quick hug, dumping the empty bowl in the trash right after. “Detective,” she smiled at Olivia, getting her purse and leaving.

“I’ll just grab my coat.” Olivia said, moving fast.

******

A couple of hours later, Alex sat in her office going through her new e-mails, until a light knock on the door made her look up.

“Come in.”

Olivia stepped in and they exchanged sympathetic smiles. “We need a search warrant. His name is Jose Willis. Nowhere to be seen.”

“Did she confirm it was him?”

“Yes. He lives in front of Mrs. Ann’s apartment. 133 5C Edgecomb Avenue.”

Alex nodded and looked back at her laptop, writing down the information.

Olivia let her eyes wander for a moment. She had known most of the ADA’s offices for years now, but this one seemed to have something different in it, like many personal details. It smelled nice. Olivia closed her eyes for a brief moment when she realized the scent was vanilla, and when she opened them back Alex was looking at her.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” Olivia pulled the chair a little so she could sit. “Just tired.”

Alex thought it was strange that Olivia was taking a moment to breathe there. It was of common knowledge Olivia Benson didn’t stop until she had the perps. Only by observation, on the few cases they had already worked together Alex had learned that the detective’s favorite parts of the job were the chasing and the interrogation rooms. “Not working with Elliot today?” she casually chose to ask.

“We did in the morning, now he’s waiting outside the building to see if something happens. I just got out of the hospital… That was a tough talk. She had this hopeless look on her face, like things were already bad and managed to get even worse.” Olivia moved her hands out of frustration.

“Yours is already making me sad.” Alex said, getting up to imprint the document.

While she waited, Olivia tried to shake off her bad thoughts and looked at the belongings on Alex’s desk. Her eyes stopped on an action figure and she had to smile, even if to herself. “You like the Phantom of the Opera?”

Alex laughed. “I love it. That little guy keeps me company on the boring days of desk work.”

“I’ve watched it repeatedly. You have a good taste.”

At that, the blonde turned her head fully to look at Olivia, appreciating the compliment. The detective wasn’t looking at her but at the toy on her hands, and Alex smiled. “Thanks.”

“I can’t imagine where you got this, it looks original.”

Alex got the papers in hands, signed Olivia’s copy and sat back on her chair, deciding to enjoy this for a few moments. “I bought it online.” She shrugged, laughing instantly when Olivia looked up at her with narrowed eyes. “Sometimes I’m bored but also lazy to go shopping.”

“Well, it is practical. I’m a big fan of any kind of deliveries, means I don’t have to move.” They laughed again and Olivia looked at her watch. “Unlike at work where I never stop.” She started to get up, placing the Phantom down in front of a portrait. She hadn’t noticed it before, but it held a picture of a smiling Alex hugging a little kid in a park.

“That’s my youngest cousin, Grace. We’re best friends.” Alex got up too and got the documents from the desk.

“She’s beautiful.” The brunette smiled. “Will it take long at the court house?” She asked as they started to walk out Alex’s office.

“Probably not, don’t worry.”

They walked a few minutes between small talk and silent steps. Normally, the detective would never come to order this type of thing but just call and get it later, but the Captain especially said he wanted to save time and get the bastard as quickly as possible, so it was better that each detective did their thing. With some luck, she’d meet Elliot in half an hour and break in Jose’s apartment with the team.

Alex smiled when she saw Liz was around, and after that they got the warrant pretty quickly. Knowing Olivia had to rush, Alex shook her hand firmly outside the building, feeling something interesting about Olivia Benson for the first time after the time they spent together. “Call me when you have the bastard, we’re ending him.”

Olivia wasn’t sure if it was how nice the weather was or the fact she had just found out Alex Cabot was such a cool person, but the assurance the ADA’s voice carried gave her enough motivation to go on and solve this case.

******

After Olivia left, Alex walked back to her office and a few minutes later her cell phone rang. She smiled when the display showed her little cousin’s name.

“Hi Grace! What’s up?”

“Lex! Can we go out for ice cream?”

“Of course! When do you want me to get you?”

“Uh, I’m in front of your work building… Chris left me here.”

“What?” Alex frowned for a moment. Chris was short name for Christina, Grace’s middle sister, who was eight years older than Grace and the most responsible teenager Alex had known. There was also Anne, a year older than Chris. “Come inside sweetie, we can go for a walk right now.”

They hung up and Alex shook her head worried, getting her purse and hurrying for the door. She turned off the lights and locked the door behind her.

“Hey Louisa, my cousin’s downstairs, I’m gonna have to go. If I’m lucky I’ll step in SVU later, so call my cell if anything comes up.” She instructed the DA’s office assistant before taking the elevator.

“Hi, Grace.” The door opened revealing the six-year-old wearing a backpack and a smile. Alex hugged her tight and squeezed her shoulders. “Are you alright? Where’s your sister?”

The girl sighed, taking Alex’s hand. “She had to meet Anne in some other place. It’s okay.”

Alex still didn’t get it, making a mental note to call her aunt later. Her mom’s older sister was a teacher in NYU, had these three beautiful kids but barely enough time to know everything they did during the day. They had to look out for each other, and Alex helped a lot with Grace when the older girls wanted to have fun or had homework to do. But this never happened before, dropping Grace without any explanation. It was probably nothing, but Alex was the kind of person who naturally worried about everything, even more so when it came down to people she loved and cared for. She took Grace’s hand and they went for a walk around the block.

“So how’s school?” She asked over the traffic sounds.

“Great! I have a new music teacher. He teaches us the flute, it’s awesome.”

The girl always had a lot of things to talk about when they went out, and Alex paid attention to every detail.

Reaching their favorite place to eat ice cream, Alex ordered them strawberry and chocolate flavored on cones and sat on a bench outside the candy store. She noticed Grace’s mood had improved.

“How’s your dad, sweetie?”

Grace didn’t take her eyes from the cone when she started to speak. “He doesn’t talk to me very much. He gets home late, and most of the nights Chris takes me to our room, if his breath smells weird.”

The girl’s father was a drunk. It was hard for Alex to think about her family going through that when there was nothing she could do.

“Has he and your mom been fighting?”

Grace took a big lick on her ice cream and ignored Alex question. After a while, she changed the subject, pointing down to birds walking on the street.

_She’s so smart for her age._  Alex smirked to herself, but still worried. She chose to not push it, but that situation had being going on for as long as she could remember.

Feeling her phone buzz inside her pocket, she held Grace’s hand and took the call from Olivia.

“Please tell me some good news.”

“Why Counselor, we have the bastard right in.”

Alex felt a little more relieved about her day, but had to weight her options about what to do with Grace.

“Alright, I’ll be there in twenty if not less.” They hung up at the same time and Grace looked up at her.

“My neighbor is home, I can stay with her before mom or the girls arrive.”

Alex chewed on her bottom lip. “Okay, let’s put you in a cab.” Finishing her own ice cream, she purposely gave her cousin an icy kiss on the forehead.

“Ow! You’re cold!” Grace laughed.

They got up and Alex waved for a cab, counting on luck since she’d have to get two. While doing so, she squeezed Grace’s hand one last time and looked at her.

“Hey. Promise me you’ll call me in case you get uncomfortable. I’ll pick you right up anytime.”

“It’s okay Lex. I promise.” She reluctantly said when Alex widened her eyes behind glasses.

After a minute or two, the first cab pulled over and Alex gave the driver her aunt's address and asked him to see if Grace got inside the building safely. She then gave Grace some money to pay for the ride and buy whatever she wanted with the change. “Thanks Alex, mom says I’m too young to have money.” They hugged tight, and Alex had to let go.

******

Alex rushed in through the 16th precinct doors, going straight for the interrogation rooms. She nodded in acknowledgment for Elliot and Captain Cragen, jumping back a little when she had just turned her attention to the window which showed the room in front of them and Olivia raised her voice, hitting the table with both hands face to face with the perp.

“You think you had the  _right_?” They observed Olivia spit out angrily.

Behind the glass, they could all see some middle class young man who could easily pass around as a teenager. He wore a cocky grin,  _the worse type_  as they thought, and answered the female detective’s question with a mocking tone to his voice.

“I’m not admitting to anything. But  _you_  must admit, detective, the old women would love to have a guy like me giving them what they aren’t having for ages.” Jose smirked.

“Debora wasn’t your only victim, was she?” Olivia hit the table again.

“I don’t know what you’re referring to, detective.”

Alex cleared her throat to the guys. “Did he lawyer up?”

“Yes, we only have so much time until the defense arrives. Jose was clear about not minding to continue the interrogation, at least for now, though.” Cragen nodded towards Alex.

“Wouldn’t it be good if you…” she pointed inside and back to Elliot. Alex didn’t mean to be intrusive, but knew this one was a very tricky one to get a confession from. And he was guilty, that much was obvious.

“I’m waiting for any clever move he tries to pull up.”

Alex nodded, and watched in awe as Olivia looked so passionate, so focused in her choice of words. She knew in her heart she probably looked like that too in court, but Olivia had something different to her professional dedication. She wasn’t rough or especially rude to anyone, and nobody considered her cold like Alex’s own reputation. Olivia seemed strong and really intelligent and someone she would like to know better, now that she had given her proper admiration. The blonde also found that she liked working in group, fighting for the law and so many brave people that were willing to go for their attackers. She was getting attached to the job with SVU.

“So, Olivia, is it?” Jose got up, circling the room. Olivia was now sitting on the table with her eyes straight at him with a mad expression. He looked  _so_  calm and collected. “You look so uptight.”

“Don’t say another word.” Elliot closed his fist and muttered against his breath. Another dumb word and he wouldn’t be able to hold himself back, everyone knew. “Don’t freaking insult her.”

Alex saw the devotion Elliot and Olivia had towards each other as pure love. They had a beautiful chemistry, but as far as she knew Elliot was married to someone else, which never stopped their friendship. The thought about Huang flashed on her mind, glad she also had someone like that. A different kind of love.

“Do you have, hmm, what is it you call these days, mommy issues, Jose?” Olivia asked, her arms folded in front of her chest.

Suddenly a flash of deep anger rose on the perp’s movements and he stopped close to Olivia. “Don’t you dare insult my mom, you don’t know me!” He kicked the table’s foot and rushed to lean against the window.

“Huh, so that’s the issue.” Olivia got up and smiled. “You see Jose, the matter is that I don’t care what happened to you and your mom right now, but that you start admitting your actual mistakes. You can blame someone else later.”

He brought his eyebrows together in an angry expression and glared at Olivia. “Mrs. Ann was nice to me! You’re a fucking cold bitch!”

Both comments made the team inside release a laugh, knowing what was coming next.

“I’m worse than cold, Jose. I’m going to freeze you if you try hurting anyone that’s nice to you ever again.”

Jose calmed down and went back to his smirking. “You surely need some sex to warm you up, bitch.”

Elliot stormed in then, pushing hard on the door. He closed it aggressively and grabbed the perp’s collar throwing him against the wall. “You’re making this so much worse for yourself.”

Olivia cleared her throat, making the least noise possible. Elliot picked up the hint and let go of the guy, trying to calm down.

“I didn’t kill her, did I?” the bastard let escape from his lips.

Alex smiled and watched herself to not scream “aha!” and startle the Captain. “We’ve got him.” She smiled instead.

“No, Jose, but because of you, she’s injured and will have to put up with the public health system the rest of her life.”

“I would never… I was like a son to her…”

“But you weren’t.” Elliot cut him off. “She lost her family.”

“Why did you rape her?” Olivia asked one last time.

As if knowing the exact moment to come in, the defense attorney Miranda Pond rushed in, speaking loudly. “Don’t talk!”

Alex groaned in frustration and stepped back, biting on her index finger.

“Don’t bother.” Olivia threw a fake smile, turning around to leave. “We don’t have any more questions.”

The Captain, which had been on the phone for the last minute, whispered as his detectives came outside the room. He made sure ms. Pond could also hear. “We have his DNA.” Giving a satisfied smile to everyone, he was off to gather his stuff for the day.

Elliot shook his head but felt a little relieved. He walked past Alex who happily addressed ms. Pond with a short nod and said matter-of-factly “ADA Cabot. See you in court.”

The defense attorney was left worried about her options.

******

Alex called her boss and filled in with information, adding she was ready to win this one. She felt confident and wasn’t afraid to show it. Through him, she learned this would go to court on next Tuesday, which excited her.  _Today wasn’t that hard,_  she thought.

It was seven o’clock on that Friday night when the squad decided there was nothing else they could do, and like detective Benson, Alex wasn’t in a hurry to get home. She looked forward to working on the cases she’d argue in next week and a glass of her favorite wine, but that could wait. Everyone else left quickly and the two of them took their time to gather strength to go home.

The truth was Alex liked being out, it meant she didn’t have to face the fact she didn’t have any social life at all that didn’t include George. He was very much married, so that gave her little night time to hang out. If the thought of inviting Olivia in a friendly night out crossed Alex’s mind, she brushed it off just as quickly. What would they possibly talk about?

She didn’t know anything about Olivia but that she liked Broadway. Or so it seemed, anyway, thinking back to their conversation earlier in the day. Asking her out would sound  _so_  wrong. Was she even single?

As Alex balanced herself on one of the squad’s chair, Olivia came out of the bathroom, lipstick just applied to her lips. It made a tired Alex smile, the way she still could learn so much about someone not even having to talk to them.

“Let’s go, Alex, I have no idea why you’re still here.”

“I’m used to staying in my office too. I like the silence, I guess.”

She got up and the two of them headed out for the elevator.

“You were great today.” Alex said, pressing the button.

“Bitchy, I heard.” They laughed for a moment. It seemed so familiar. “Thanks.”

When they entered the elevator, Olivia pressed the parking lot floor and Alex the first one.

“Want a ride, Cabot?”

She didn’t expect it, but the way those words came out Olivia’s lips made Alex close her eyes for a moment. It affected her. Maybe she was that tired. “No, thank you. I left my car at work.” She meant to say she was going to retrieve it, but Olivia didn’t ask to know more. “The trial’s on Tuesday morning. Will you be there?”

“ _Of course._ ” Olivia smirked. “I wouldn’t let this go.”

“Okay.” The elevator stopped for Olivia, which made Alex nod briefly. “Good night. We’re gonna nail him!”

“I know.” Olivia stepped out, turning back to smile. “I wouldn’t expect less of you.”


	2. Chapter 2

_"I hope you didn't see_

_I hope you didn't notice_

_And if you did I hope you looked away_

_I'll keep it all to me_

_I'll keep on running_

_'cause it's only when I'm running that I feel safe_

_As I fall I must be out of my mind"_

That night, Alex got home and took the hottest shower. The cold was just starting to creep in the streets of New York and she had gotten home with freezing hands and legs.  _An entire season without my beautiful skirts,_  she sighed. Getting in black silk pajamas, Alex cleaned the bathroom and went to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine.

As usual, her upper class apartment didn’t feel that high in quality. She turned on the TV on CNN and changed the volume to a medium frequency. Alex got the present cases’ files from the center table and took them along with her glass of wine to the couch, where she knew she’d spend the rest of the night studying her best tricks and trying to relax at the same time.

The dim lights in the living room made her feel comfortable, opposing all city lights that came from the views of her penthouse apartment. The high floor gave her some distance from the outside world, but she still had a view of a great part of the neighborhood. Cars in a constant rush, people in other apartments all around that seemed to have to use all energy possible. Alex felt simple looking at all that every day. She adored New York despite its people exaggerations, but maybe all of those sights made her feel more lonely.

It was almost ten thirty when Alex had her first yawn and decided to put aside the files for the night. When she did, the first thing to come to her mind was Olivia, and the words she had used to wish Alex a good weekend.

Right then she remembered of having the detective’s e-mail on her account, thankfully to almost everyone on the squad that had the habit of forwarding e-mails to each other to keep up information about cases or whatever they wanted. There were even some jokes she wasn’t used to answering yet. She got her computer from the table and sat back, legs folded. The only thing she intended to do was go to Olivia’s e-mail profile, which if she remembered well had a picture of the strong brunette.

When her browser finally loaded the page, Alex zoomed in the picture. She smiled instantly and even chuckled at her reaction. The image showed Olivia with a big smile staring at the camera.

_“I wouldn’t expect less of you”_  echoed through her head as she closed the laptop, not wanting to go too deep in thought about this. But that phrase had triggered her to want to impress the detective for the next forever, probably.

Alex smiled again, and it didn’t bother her. Olivia was truly unlike most people she knew, she had a big heart and didn’t seem scared like everyone else (and herself, if she was being honest) to show she cared. She was also stunning, had arms that Alex felt very much attracted to. Before today, Alex hadn’t even considered being friends with Olivia, but now she was all in for the interest.

Taking the last sip of her second glass, she decided to go to sleep. She, George and his boyfriend were going for a walk at Central Park and then lunch, and she always loved hanging out with her best friend’s partner, since she’d get company to mock George’s silly habits.

In bed, she fell asleep smiling when Olivia’s laugh was the last thing to cross her mind.

******

On Monday, Alex was feeling renewed after all the rest she got over the weekend. Besides hanging out on Saturday afternoon, she only left home on Sunday morning for a run. Between songs that played on a comfortable volume in her ears or kitchen while she cleaned around, she remembered Olivia’s smile, Olivia’s choice of clothing; which thrilled her more than she’d like to admit to anyone.

She spent Monday morning and lunch time doing her own thing, finishing her lead up on tomorrow’s case and glad to get a call from Elliot, who said the victim had recovered pretty well and was ready to testify. Alex thought she couldn’t feel better, just when around 2pm Jose’s lawyer called saying she wanted to meet for a deal.

Never being one to get her hopes up, Alex waited to see if they’d make a fair deal to let her colleagues know.

“How much time are you charging him for?” Miranda asked when she arrived in the ADA’s office, wasting no time.

“Twenty at the least.” Alex smirked, barely lifting her eyes as the other woman stormed in.

“That’s absurd and you know it, Cabot.”

“Absurd?! You know there are another victims, Miranda. Lonely, old women who now barely can sleep at night until the day they die because of your client. They had to move out, get treatment and god knows what else. I’m fishing for more if I can help it. He should rot in prison.”

Ms. Pond rolled her eyes. “You don’t have enough proof.”

“Oh, but I do. Tomorrow’s just the start. Do you wanna see me play, counselor?”

Miranda shook her head, not agreeing at all with this situation. She knew Jose had a chance in court, but he would definitely get jail time no matter what she did, because of his DNA found in the victim’s apartment. Her job, then, was to settle for his best chance and that seemed to take place there, not when stubborn Alex Cabot found other victims willing to testify. Jose had been pretty straightforward when they talked and it was clear there were at least another two victims. Miranda thought she couldn’t leave it to luck like that. She balanced her options for a few moments until Alex turned her head to one side and pursed her lips, asking for further elaboration.

“Twelve years. He pays for Debora’s medical bills for a year.”

“Eighteen, no probation. He pays for her medical bills until the day she  _dies_.”

“Fifteen, Alexandra. You don’t wanna do this.”

“No deal. I trust my detectives.” Alex smiled sarcastically. “And if he’s lucky enough to survive Rikers, he can’t live in Manhattan.”

Miranda sighed out loud. “You’re a piece of work. Fine.”

Under her desk, Alex tapped her heels excitedly on the carpet as she smiled and waved for ms. Pond to leave. She hadn’t expected a deal to happen, but was glad her fellow attorney had been that smart. Miranda was good in her job; Alex hadn’t really gone to court with her but had indeed watched her win hard cases.

Clicking speed dial on her iPhone, Alex called the precinct straight away after her door was closed and smiled down to herself when Olivia picked up. She told her the news and didn’t get any answer for one or two seconds, just then listening the detective shouting for everybody else.

“It’s Cabot. They made a deal!”

Alex could hear group cheers and Olivia asked in a fast pace what had happened.

“Pond didn’t trust him, I guess. I got him eighteen years, no probation, not stepping in Manhattan streets again.”

“And Mrs. Ann’s special cares?”

“He pays for all of them until she’s no longer alive, Olivia. I’m glad about this.”

“See? I didn’t expect less of you.”

Alex couldn’t hold back. “You keep saying that.”

“Because it’s true, counselor. Come around if you’re not busy, I bet everyone here wants to hug you.”

Alex agreed to the visit and gathered some paperwork cases to take along so she wouldn’t fall behind on any work. Before leaving, she stepped in the DA’s room to discuss the finished case with him and ask if she could work from SVU the rest of the day. They weren’t great friends and since Alex was assigned there she didn’t actually have to ask, but the blonde was used to doing things by the book.

At 5 or so Alex found herself happy with the atmosphere. Fin had conceded her his desk and gone out to see his kid, which apparently was a rare thing, she noticed; when he announced his plans for his granted time off, everyone in the squad room seemed to be content for Fin and wished him good luck.

The blonde had quickly finished the case files she ought to return her boss and resumed her game on  _Flow Free_  for the rest of the afternoon, an app that kept her brain functioning. Besides that, now and then Alex would look up, observing the movement and cops all around. It was rather different from her habitat, that many people working together all day, every day. She felt lucky for fitting there, as she hadn’t been one for teamwork most of her life. In SVU, Alex felt welcomed, even when the family name spoke louder on a few cops’ ears and it made them act way too formally when addressing her. She’d make a joke then and watch them discard their seriousness.

At some point, her eyes drifted to Elliot’s desk when a certain brunette’s laughter came to her attention. She caught the sight of them exchanging hugs and a try to muffle the detective’s giggle, when she became sure the moment her new almost-friends were sharing didn’t concern her and was about to look away when Elliot excused himself to pick up the phone and Olivia returned her look. Alex smiled then and kept her gaze until it was too much. Olivia didn’t flinch, and for a moment Alex wanted to look around her to make sure the detective was indeed looking at  _her_ , but then it was gone. Olivia sat back down on her chair and sighed loudly at the amount of paperwork she had to fill in.

Alex went back playing, tried to focus. There was this stupidly hard level she couldn’t for the life of her pass. When she least noticed, her light blue eyes were back on Olivia, but she didn’t even know how they got there. She examined the detective’s arms, the way she wrote everything so fast; Alex was sure she knew every detail about her every case.

She watched Olivia raising her voice. “Can  _someone_  do me a big favor and get me a big cup of coffee?”

Munch came back with two cups half a minute later, and Olivia smiled. “I knew you wouldn’t resist me.” She gave him an insanely goofy and beautiful grin, and Alex held back a weird feeling inside her stomach.

Munch rolled his eyes. “Yeah, you know I can’t resist your italian, Liv.”

Alex watched them laugh and closed the game app, since she appeared more interested in the surroundings. She opened her schedule to go through appointments, meetings and was faced with the reminder she needed to call her aunt as soon as possible. It’s not that she didn’t want to, but she had grown accustomed to have the girls call when they needed her. Maria, her oldest aunt, was not exactly what you would call pleasant to be around, at least for Alex, being as quiet and collected as she had been taught to be like. Maria was loud, talked too much, got easily distracted between a subject and other. But she knew she had to deal with this eventually, because those kids actually meant the world to her.

Alex loved them. Anne was the loudest one, liked partying and a lot of boys. Alex had caught her smoking once when they randomly met around the neighborhood, but she didn’t tell anything to the girl’s parents because Anne promised she wouldn’t do it again. Which was probably a lie, but Alex just wanted to make sure her cousin didn’t get in trouble for heavy drugs.

Chris reminded Alex of herself when she was fourteen. She wasn’t confident at all, tried to hide her thin body in a bunch of sweaters and liked staying home better. She took care of Grace the most, and sometimes the two of them would spend the evening in Alex’s apartment watching movies and eating popcorn with her. Anne would probably be partying with other friends then, and it was no help trying to keep her in. She’d always sneak out.

Alex smiled with the memories of her little cousins and decided to text Chris.

_Hope you doin okay. Text me if you guys want to go grocery shopping with me on Friday. Love u._

Schedule for the next days in mind, Alex closed it and let her eyes wander after detective Benson again. And there she was, drawing Alex’s attention without even moving.

But then she did move, and they locked eyes again. Olivia raised her cup of coffee, which was now almost finished, towards the ADA and did end it in a full gulp. Alex didn’t take her eyes off, knowing Olivia still felt them and that amused her. Until Alex left the precinct that day, their looks would find themselves around, and Alex was starting to think she could have fun with some flirting, even if it had to be one-sided.

******

The week crawled in, another two cases but in one of them the 19 year old girl had chosen to drop the charges before it even got out in the paper. She specifically said she had regretted her choice of looking for the SVU unit and even her mom blew the cops off. Olivia tried to knock at their home once more and even stayed overnight in front of the girl’s building to make sure she wouldn’t get hurt, but she constantly got told off. Those were the harder cases for her, because she felt her past digging into her chest every time. Olivia wished with all she had that someone would have insisted like that with her mother and her own well being when she was younger.

But, as Elliot reminded her when he came with his own car on Thursday to pick her up and take her home, she couldn’t compare her story to every victim. “It would drive you crazy,” he said while hugging her. Olivia knew she needed to get some decent sleep if she wasn’t planning on a breakdown.

******

After the confusing and tiring two days of trying to convince someone who clearly didn’t want help to prosecute her rapist, all Alex wanted was to have some fun and rest on Friday night. It had been a long time she didn’t dedicate her free time to bars and dancing clubs or anything heavier than wine, so she decided she would leave it at that and was inside her car ready to leave work when she picked up her phone to contact her cousins. She called their home, but there was no answer. She decided to go home for a quick shower before trying to reach them again and dropped her iPhone on the passenger seat.

Leaving the garage, Norah Jones played on the car’s speakers and Alex sang along, tapping on the steering wheel. She thought of dark brown hair and the hand that was always going through it.

Back at the 16th precinct, Olivia sat on a step outside and took her phone out of her belt when it ringed.

“Olivia?” she heard what sounded like a little kid’s voice on the other side.

“Yeah, Benson. Who is it?”

“It’s Grace… my cousin said-“ her voice broke. “Alex…” Olivia’s eyes then widened. “I should call you if…”

She cried, hard, and Olivia could barely understand anything.

“Grace, sweetie? Talk to me. What happened?” Olivia got up that second and fumbled to find the unit’s car keys in her pocket, but ran and started the engine as soon as she did.

“My sisters are hurt... They said I didn’t have to call but,” she cried again. “I’m scared.”

“Is there anyone there that hurt you?”

“No… they’re gone, daddy took mum-“

“Your parents hurt you?” Olivia desperately asked, afraid the girl would hang up. “Sweetie, can you please tell me your address?”

She heard noises, and a desperate cry from the girl.

“Grace!” Olivia gulped hard. She didn’t know where to go.

“Hi. I’m Christ-“ crying, beating, screaming. The constant noises didn’t stop. “Christina. It’s 931 22 Lexington.”

“I’ll be there in a heartbeat. Christina, did you contact Alex?”

“Grace says she hasn’t… I’m sorry ma’am, but my sister is bleeding… I gotta go-”

She hung up then. Olivia called the squad for backup and shook her head staring at her phone, wondering how ever in hell she’d explain this to Alexandra. Thinking twice, she got the Captain on the phone again before entering the girl’s building.

“Captain, we need another ADA for this. It involves Cabot’s family.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I receive e-mails saying I've got new kudos I smile a lot!  
> Filling you guys in that their relationship happens slowly because it's based on a personal experience, only different roles :p but it's worth the wait! xo Mel

_"Seems that I have been held_  
 _In some dreaming state_  
 _A tourist in the waking world  
_ _Never quite awake"_

Elliot found his way to the instructed Lexington’s building ten minutes after Olivia. Running upstairs, he was shocked to find everything broken down inside the three girl’s apartment. There were pieces of glass on the kitchen counter and floor, pillows thrown all around the living room and bits of expensive porcelain shattered against a wall.

Olivia was kneeling down in front of what seemed like the older girl. She was a dark redhead and her slightly opened legs lying on the ground were bruised. Blood stained clothes were clung to her thin body and the other two girls looked desperate and tired. The other teenager had visible marks on her wrists and the littlest one sat quiet on the couch.

Elliot approached his partner and touched her shoulder, careful not to startle her. She looked up and he could see Olivia was hiding tears, like the usual horrible time she had with cases that involved children. Before getting up to fill him in, she kissed the redhead’s forehead and spoke in a low tone. “You’re gonna be okay, Anne.”

The paramedics came in just as the brunette turned around. She could hear the two girls crying but somehow Grace didn’t make a sound from where she sat. On the corner of her eye Olivia could see Christina taking the little girl in her arms and the mumbled word “Alex”, and soon they were gone.

Olivia looked at Elliot. “Their mother is Cabot’s aunt, Maria. She married Grace’s father just after she was born. The girls weren’t ready to talk, but it’s clear that Anne was raped.”

The two detectives left CSU there to retrieve DNA and any weapons that could’ve hurt the girls and walked out.

“You think the stepfather did that?” Elliot asked.

“By the looks of it, yes. They’re headed to Saint Catherine’s right now to run the rape kit. Huang will be there to meet us.”

“Have you talked to Alex?”

Olivia felt her heart tighten. “The captain did.”

They got inside the car and drove away immediately. Elliot didn’t bother to turn on the radio, as it was obvious Olivia felt unset, worried and probably confused.

“She’s close to the girls.” She suddenly said.

“Hey,” he alternated his sight between the road and his partner. “If you want to be there for Cabot, we can call Fin for this.”

“No, I’ll do it.”

“Liv, Alex probably needs a friend.”

“She’s got Huang. I’ll talk to her later, but I think I’m a better help when I’m actually working.”

Elliot sighed and knew it was best not to argue.

They met George Huang in the parking lot just when Elliot was locking the car, and all three took the elevator together. Arriving in the emergency room, Christina and Grace sat in the waiting room holding hands. Grace held a teddy bear tight against her chest and appeared to be asleep when the two detectives and the psychiatrist reached their chairs. Christina was biting her nails.

While George bent down to talk to the teenager, Elliot pulled Olivia closer. “I thought Maria would be here?”

“I have no idea what’s going on either.”

The brunette gave him a nod and her eyes followed Christina’s, which lit up as the ward’s doors opened to reveal Alex Cabot. She rushed in, almost in a run, and Olivia checked her watch to not have to stare too long as the ADA approached them.

It was past 9PM.

“Where is Anne?” Alex asked out of breath. She hugged George and then Chris jumped up and into her older cousin’s arms.

“Charles, Alex- I-I’m sorry we didn’t say anything before…”

“Say what, sweetie?” Alex ran her hands on Chris’ hair and looked at Olivia with silent tears already falling down her cheeks. “Charles what?”

“Anne was raped.” Olivia gulped down and Elliot squeezed her elbow for support. “The doctors are inside with her.”

“Oh my god.” Alex put her hand over her mouth and had to let go of the dark haired teenager. Her eyes flew to Grace, who was soundly sleeping, lost in a world of her own. She did the only thing she could think of and ran towards Olivia. The brunette was hesitant at first but then instinctively put her arms around Alex, hugging her tight and closing her own eyes along. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, Alex, I’m sorry.”  _This is a mess_ , Olivia thought as the blonde let go of her and wiped away her own tears, forcing up a mask to protect her family and not look torn up in front of her colleagues.

“What happened?” She looked back at Christina.

“It would be better if we went somewhere more private to talk to your cousin, Alex.” George stepped up and said.

Alex held her cousin’s hand. “Can you do that?”

The girl held back a sob. “Yes… but I need you. Mom’s not gonna help us through this.”

“Of course. I’m here.”

Olivia looked at Grace, thinking about waking her and Elliot instantly sat beside her. “I’ll take care of her. Go.”

George took his best friend’s hand and Olivia led them to Anne’s room. She wasn’t there yet, but the chart at the end of the bed already had her name on it. Olivia was used to this kind of procedure. She also bet Anne’s family could afford all time she’d wish to stay in there. It wouldn’t be easy going back home after this.

Alex sat down on the bed with Chris beside her. Once George had started with the simplest questions, she allowed herself to cry for a little while. Deep down, she blamed herself for this. She could have just gone there during the week as she had promised herself, she should have been more careful, and how didn’t she ever imagine this could happen?

Suddenly, she felt Olivia’s warm hand on her shoulder. Just then she noticed how cold her body was, she hadn’t had time to even pick up her coat when the SVU Captain called. Alex had barely dropped her briefcase and files when she got the news about her cousins heading for Saint Catherine’s emergency. Olivia squeezed the cold shoulder lightly and she looked up slowly. They exchanged longing gazes and Alex felt the urge to hug her again, but knew it wasn’t right.

“Do you have any idea of where your mom is, Chris?” Olivia asked, reluctantly turning her eyes away from the ADA.

“She’s probably at her favorite bar downtown, or maybe at a friend’s.”

“We’re gonna need a list of her closest friends later so we can go pick her up for you in case she doesn’t turn up tomorrow, okay?” The girl nodded. “Was it your stepfather who did it?”

At that, Alex’s eyes widened. Chris looked away from her.

“Yes, it’s been happening for almost two years…”

Olivia had to release a sigh. She tried to understand, but it was hard imagining those scenes continuously happening for that long. George made a sign with his hand to let her know he could continue. Alex could barely manage to not cry.

“How did he manage to keep you all quiet, Christina?”

She took a breath. “Charles threatened us. Way before it started happening, he started giving all sorts of presents to us both, instead of just giving toys to Gracie. He’d give us make up, new sheets, new clothes, anything we asked for. Until one night he lay down beside Anne in the late hours and insisted to have sex with her. I woke up to his words and got desperate, but I didn’t move. I didn’t know what to do.”

“I heard her pleas for Charles to stop, but he didn’t. I got worried about Grace sleeping in the room next door and Anne somehow noticed I was awake. She made a sign for me to get up with her hand, and so I did. I ran to their suite and tried to wake mother up, I shook her, but she was in deep slumber. Looking around, I could see her pill bottle on the floor.”

“The next day, did you try to talk to her?” Alex asked, clutching to her cousin’s arm. The girl wore an oversized sweater.

“Yes, we tried for a long time. But as you know she’s barely ever home… our luck was that Charles travels a lot because of his work. Every time he’d come back, he would bring more gifts. He tried touching me just after he’d… forced himself on my sister, but she didn’t let him. So he wouldn’t even talk to me anymore and I spent all the bad time keeping Grace away from seeing anything. Anne made me promise to keep quiet; otherwise he’d rape me too and hurt us.”

“So your mother didn’t believe you?” George carefully asked.

“She didn’t. At first, I thought he had forced those pills in her, but we all realized that as the frequency of the nights Charles got home drunk got higher, she’d go for different doctors to ask for new prescriptions. I kept an eye…” She sobbed and started crying again. “I promise you I tried flushing all of ‘em, but… but…”

“This is not your fault, baby” Olivia took the girl’s hands in her own. She couldn’t help but notice how intelligent she was, how observant. “You did such a good job on taking care of your younger sister.” She knew the girl had bruises on her wrists they would soon have to talk about.

“Were you scared to talk to me?” Alex cried against Chris’ shoulder, but tried to not make a scene. “There were opportunities. I thought we trusted each other.”

George cleared his throat at Alex when the girl started sobbing harder and she knew she’d crossed a line. It was not time to demand answers like that. She quickly apologized. Holding the girl’s hand as Olivia dropped them both, Alex ran her thumb over the bruised wrist. Christina’s whole body trembled.

“I’m sorry, Chris…” The blonde figured the girl just didn’t want Alex to touch her, like a defense shield, but standing up, Olivia pulled up the girl’s sleeves. They were raw. Alex became desperate once again. “What happened today?”

“Charles went crazy. He had some sort of fight earlier with mom, and he drank all of the whiskey we had home… so, he locked… Gracie and mom,” it was clear the girl was holding back tears. “in their big room, and beat me and Anne up. I started screaming when he ripped off her pants, and so he got a string and managed to bind me on the kitchen table’s foot. He said “now you’re gonna regret this” to me and broke a lot of things all around the house. Anne jumped on him and hurt him in the eyes, and then he got really angry and raped her… in front of me.”

“Oh god.”                           

By now, Olivia was pacing back and forth the hospital room.

“And Maria? Oh god.” Alex felt as if her chest was going to explode. She had never heard something as brutal and cruel as that, and it just added five times more weight that it was her own family going through it.

“My sister… she fainted. After that, he unlocked the room and dragged mom out by her hair. There was nothing I could do… Every time he passed the kitchen table he’d kick me… He made my mom see everything she had always ignored.” The girl rubbed her nose and looked down. She was ashamed. “She spit in his face and yelled for him to leave, but didn’t stay long. Grace was the one to untie me.”

Olivia ran her hands through her hair and licked her lips, for they were completely dry. She made a sign with her head to talk to Alex and Huang outside, and they followed.

******

“We have to find him.” Olivia talked once they were back with Elliot.

“Will you prosecute?” Elliot looked up at Alex.

The ADA opened her mouth to speak, but Olivia stopped her.

“No, not Alex.”

“ _What_?!”

“Cabot, look at you. There’s no way you could do this even if the Captain was to allow you. This little girl right here,” she pointed at Grace, “and those other two that think they’re big enough to protect themselves…”

“They need you.” George finished for the detective.

“But I can’t let that bastard get away with this!” Alex shouted in the middle of the hospital, earning a warning look from one of the nurses who were around. “I’m not sure I can do this for long anyway. They don’t trust me, Olivia. What’s the use?”

“Alexandra, I know you care about them as if they were your own.” George commented, not letting an argument rise. “I  _know_  it. I’ve seen how happy they make you.”

“You don’t understand how this is making me feel right now. I didn’t even know my aunt was addicted to  _pills_. The literal one thing I knew about all of this was Charles’ addiction. This is absurd.”

“It still has to sink in, I know.” Olivia caressed her arm lightly and Alex sighed. “I know. You feel powerless. Hell, I can barely believe all of this cruelty this man’s done to your family. I can’t imagine how Grace feels like now that she’s seen who her father is.”

Alex wanted to scream. She barely knew this woman she was attracted to all of a sudden in the last couple of weeks, and everyone was already trying to tame her down, including Olivia. She had gone to law school to protect those who needed their rights in favor of them, and just when her family needed her she couldn’t do anything about it.

Huang and Stabler let the two solve their problem and turned around to talk about the case. Elliot still needed to be filled in, after all. They decided to go back to Anne’s room and wait for her there.

Olivia and Alex walked away a little and as they reached the nearest free wall, Alex leaned in and looked up. She was completely exhausted. Olivia understood that, and for a while chose to not say anything else. She didn’t stop caressing Alex’s arms though, moving down only to hold her hand and squeeze it.

“Here, take this.” She removed her coat and handed it to the blonde. “Wouldn’t want you to catch a cold.”

Alex was hesitant to take the piece of clothing, but thought she was already being a hell lot stubborn for one night.

“I just can’t believe they never said anything.”

“They were happy when you were around.” She squeezed the cold hand again, and this time Alex actually let herself give in to the comfort. It felt nice. She knew she would’ve smiled under different circumstances.

“Did you already call for another ADA?”

“Yeah.” Olivia felt the woman ready to push her away, and so she held on tighter. “First thing.”

Alex cried again.

“Shhh,” Olivia whispered, closer. “Please? We’re gonna get him.”

There was a strong beat in her heart, and Alex felt scared for the thousandth time that night. Another tear rolled down before she could stop crying. It was a different kind of fear though: fear of being this close to Olivia. She looked up again to avert her eyes.

“Do you want coffee?”

Olivia’s voice was perfect. She used a similar tone to the one she’d use on her victims, and though it made Alex feel anxious, it gave enough comfort. The voice also did other things to her body, like tickle her stomach. She had never felt anything like it, despite her previous lovers.

“Um… no.”

On the other side, it was also difficult for Olivia to see her coworker sad like this. She didn’t exactly know how to act, since Alex always appeared to be a closed person. She didn’t let go of her grip on her though, and felt a strange sensation as she wished to hold Alex more intimately.

“Do you think you can stay a while longer?”

“Yeah,” Alex’s eyes were drawn to the floor. “Actually, we should go back… Anne’s probably there by now.”

“Okay. If you wanna talk later, I’ll be here.”

“Thank you.”

They completely let go of each other and Alex could finally release the breath she was holding.

******

Before entering the hospital room Alex could see through the blinds her cousin Anne already there, underneath some blankets. She looked like hell, even her eyebrow was cut. Little Grace was on Christina’s arms, and they both slept sitting down on the chair.

Alex decided she hated hospitals when she turned the knob to go in. She received a small smile from the weak girl and quickly reacted with another one, and both George and Elliot decided they should leave when Olivia didn’t follow Alex’s steps. They excused themselves and let the family have some time alone.

“I’m sorry for not telling you.” The redhead said, patting the bed for her oldest cousin to join her.

“I’m sorry for not being there.”

“You were.”

“Not as I would’ve liked to.” Alex smiled, not fighting the tears when she bent down to hug Anne. “You didn’t deserve this, Annie. I’m extremely sorry. I don’t think I’ll ever forget what happened to you.”

Anne nodded and didn’t let her eyes water for a single moment, but just held her cousin against her bruised body. It didn’t hurt anymore. She felt numb after today’s events  _plus_  the rape kit  _plus_  all of the humiliation she felt like she was going through. But Alex’s hold felt good, almost safe.

“Do you think you can put him away?”

Alex nodded and snuffled, which made the girl laugh a little. “Not me, sweetie, but somebody just as competent as me. They will.”

They lay quietly, and when Alex thought her cousin was falling asleep, she spoke again. “I guess I just didn’t want to be sent away.”

Alex eyed her, narrowing her eyes. She stopped crying. “What do you mean?”

“They won’t let us stay with mom.”

Alex hadn’t thought about that yet. It seemed to be so much, bomb after bomb hitting her back. She hurt. “That’s true.”

There was silence, like an obvious request the girl wanted to make. Alexandra knew the girls would happily stay with her, but no judge would allow that. They all knew Alex, her work schedule, how she was barely home. She would definitely be happy if she was allowed to have them until at least Anne was legal, but it was impossible.  _Work before family, I chose this._

She sighed and kissed the girl’s wrists in a loving manner. “I’m sorry I can’t have you.”

As if reading her thoughts and much more, Anne smiled. “I know. We’ll go back to grandma, or maybe go to the State.”

“I know how much you hate grandma.”

“Don’t you? She barely feeds us.”

“We’ll see about that.” Alex gave away a sad smile. “I can’t help but say you’ve been brave. If that was me, I wouldn’t have survived it.”

“I’m a whole lot more worried about Grace than myself.” The redhead looked at the girl’s closed eyes, beautiful face, so innocent. “I wish she didn’t have to know the monster her father is.”

“Even if she didn’t see anything, she would’ve wanted to.” Olivia said, and both cousins looked up, as they weren’t aware of the detective’s presence.

The redhead agreed. “I guess…”

“Detective Olivia Benson,” Alex made the introductions. “Anne, this is my colleague at Special Victims Unit and the kindest woman I had the pleasure of meeting in my new job.”

“I was at their house earlier.” Olivia smiled anyway, touched by the words she didn’t expect to hear from the blonde. She took out a personal card with her number from her pocket and handed it to the girl.

Alex felt a blush rising to her cheeks. “I wasn’t aware.”

“You can go, Alex” Anne said, trying to smile. She kissed her cousin’s cheek. “You need to sleep too. I’ll be dead in two minutes, don’t worry.”

“Don’t say that!” Alex actually worried but kissed the girl back. “Alright, if you need anything call me, but I bet Olivia’s better at this.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll be at the trial.”

“I know.”

Alex excused herself and said good night to Olivia when they left the room.

“Hey,” George approached her as she was going straight for the elevator.

“You’re still here? God.”

“Of course, someone needs to take you home.”

“But I’ve got my car…” Alex said. Her heart still hurt and now that she was finally heading home there was no reason for her to hide her emotion.

“Well, I don’t. I’ll drive, counselor.”

“Yeah, sure. Thanks.”

Once at the Upper East Side building, George hugged his friend while they waited for his cab.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Do I ever stop you?” Alex got back at him. She felt drunk, stumbling on her own feet. She needed to sleep this off.

“Why didn’t you bring them home?”

It took her by surprise. Alex pushed him away and felt an anger rising in her throat. She could be sick right there.

“I can’t.” was all she managed as an explanation. She was brainstorming. “I need to go away for a few days.” Every sentence was paused. “See dad. I don’t know.”

“Where is this coming from? I thought we’d agree you’d take their side.”

“I need to find my own answers, George. You know how I work. Today was a lot to take in, I need my own time.”

“What do I tell them?”

“I’ll make sure I’m back for the trial. Just let me know when it happens. I don’t think they need an explanation…”

“Yeah, since you always run from everything.” He mumbled.

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing, Alex.” The taxi arrived and they exchanged goodnight wishes. “Just do you thing. Go pick yourself up, because I can’t do it right now for you. And come back soon.”

“I will…”

Alex sighed as she turned back to take the elevator to the highest floor. George’s constant sincerity was something Alex was not really fond of, something she never really got used to. She was an independent person and always had been. What was the use of getting closer to her cousins if she would have to let them go anyway? She was terrified of losing.

Once inside her apartment, Alex felt like a bad person, someone accustomed to leaving. She needed her dad. He was the only man she still trusted after so much heartbreak, the only one she could listen to and not feel pressured. She needed advice. God, she needed to  _sleep_.

After stripping down to take a shower, Alex hugged Olivia’s coat and smelled the older woman in it. She didn’t know what the hell she was doing. These feelings were so wrong. She tried to wash today's memories away.

It was 2:30AM when Alexandra sank in the couch, not even able to reach her bed. She didn’t deserve the comfort and thinking that, she cried herself to sleep.


End file.
